Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
I have never thought of myself as a weak person until about 3 years ago, when I was expecting my 5th child. I never thought pregnancy could totally weaken my mind, will, and emotions like this one did; most recognize it as a hormonal imbalance. God has a plan for everything; He made me see myself weak in order to reveal to me that He alone is my strength. In my weakness I could not handle the things of everyday life as I normally would. It became worse after my precious baby was born. I did not go to the Lord for my strength. My weakness progressed into depression, confusion, and despair as was the natural progression of things in my unwillingness to turn to Him. I felt hypocritical trying to "find" my Lord during that time because as much as I wanted in my heart to do right and to be right, I found myself the opposite. I am ashamed to say that I entertained thoughts of suicide and of cutting myself, which I knew was attack straight from hell. I could not understand why no one saw me in this and why no one tried to help. I felt that I had no one to turn to or speak with that would understand my bondage without judging me. I prayed intermittent, but earnest prayers that God would have mercy on me and deliver me from this state of which I could not get myself out. I felt trapped. Trapped within the walls of anger and emotion. A round room with no doors. I had to look up; there was no other way.
The Lord Jesus said, "I Am the Way..." He heard my prayers. He took me out of my environment and put me in a different place where I could observe the world without being in it. He gave me strength for each day. He showed me my blessings. He is my blessings. "Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside." Is it not odd how we do not truly understand seasons in our life until we look back. I thought I was alone there in my pit of despair. But I wasn't. My Lord was there even in my horrible version. He was taking care of me and my family. He gave my husband understanding and patience. My family and church family loved me and prayed for me. Only my Savior could pull me out of being stuck in the muck! Thank You, Lord! Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.
The Lord Jesus Christ is my Bright Hope for tomorrow. Hope that my failures will not disable my children. That I could teach them of this awesome, faithful God. That they would be better equipped to serve Him from my experiences, failures, victories. Hope that I can go forth :) and minister to others. Hope that my life will count for His glory. The Lord Jesus is real, He is personal, and He is mine. I will look to Him for my Strength, today.
